I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Enjoy the penises
Help me help you realize you are a moron
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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