Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
