Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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