remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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