Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
