they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
