god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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