she looked like the before picture.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His hands were made for my vagina.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think i got beer on your cat.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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