Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....

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(513): View more from Ohio

Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(801): View more from Utah

I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not

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(512): View more from Texas

$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.

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