do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
