His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
