The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
