My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
