Screwed.edu
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
