I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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