I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
