His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize