Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
