i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize