in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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