he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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