I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
