I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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