what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
