just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
