Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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