Just cropdusted the office
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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