sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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