it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
