Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
