Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
