my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The Olympian is in my bed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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