ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
