chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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