you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
