I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize