does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
