I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
