just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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