Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Say something about gay babies.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
