There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
