So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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