I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
