Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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