OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you win again, gameday.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
