Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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