the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
