No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
