Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
