I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm passing your future prison.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
