I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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