drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
