Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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