come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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