Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
