dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
