was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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