i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm both gender and math confused
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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