I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
