I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
