Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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