Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I want is dick and wine.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
