saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
