no, he came in my armpit
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
