I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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