Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
