can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
