I hope mine doesn't look like that
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
