"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
