I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
