Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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