my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think im going to throw up on grandma
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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