yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
