I accidentally burped into my bong.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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